I want to see your face
I want to smell your scent
I want to hear your voice
I want to feel your presence
I want to touch your skin
I want to
But I cannot

I cannot do these things
You were once a love to me
You once made me think I was a princess
And although I would like to
I cannot go back to you

You have done unspeakable things
You have shushed me
When my voice should have been heard
You have muffled my screams with a pillow
The pillow of lies
You have done more than you know

My whole life
Centered around you
My whole existence
Was for you
Yet still
You have done unspeakable things

I would love to go back to it
To go back to the way things were
But you are a toxic human
Toxic for me
You make me do things
I would never do
And you make me feel things
I would not like to feel

For I am scared of falling
Falling in love
For you have shattered me
You have shattered my being
My existence

Your presence is no more than
An uncomfortable aura
Your touch sends scary shivers
Down my spine
Your smell makes me
Want to spill my guts out
Your voice sends panic
Throughout my body
The sight of you
Is enough
To make me faint

And yet I forgive you
You ask me why
I tell you
I forgive you
Because I know
In some parts of my mind
I still love you