counting
the seams on the ceiling
rotations
of the blades of the fan
whirling
about centric focused up
around
outside of me I have to
because
I fear me I'm not all of you
me
the depressed trying to stay calm
amidst
chaos overwhelming angst
anxiety
I try zen meditate medicate *******
alone
ceiling seams eradicate thoughts
patterned
four by eight not well executed
not
meant to be so visible evident
eventual
I sleep sleep flawed tossing turning
onside
wish I slept face up sometimes
reclining
looming above not plaster  seams but
underside
daisies grass roots a granite slab
peace
or whatever comes after
this