always counting the ways i could be better (-1) lesser voice, (-1) smarter things to say constant reassurance of why i am enough (+1) seems stable, (+1) showers almost every day daily working to prove myself right (+1) constant patience, (+1) being productive breaking a cycle of crying at night (-1) hating myself, (-1) not wanting to live odd how, wanting so desperately to be someone i've forgotten what it means to be myself