I remember the first time I saw you

On that stage

You stood

You opened your mouth and the words flowed with such grace

I was left in awe

Mesmerized

It was as if those words were only meant for you to speak them

I wanted to know you
To touch you

See what was behind the person you showed the world

I observed the way you carried yourself
And wondered how someone so hurt could carry themselves with such confidence

You asked me if I ever had my heart broken

and I told you the story of the stupid boy who ****** me over
Not knowing that, that wasn't even close to the heartbreak I feel right now

Heartbreak is knowing that we could have been so ******* great
But you were too scared to let me in
And I was too scared of commitment

I'm not one to write about relationships and ex's but you had me writing ****** love poems about

you.

You taught me things I will take with me forever
And for that
I thank you

Sitting on your porch getting high in hopes that maybe we wouldn't feel this ******* low but here we are

Your face imprinted in my mind
I wished to have made you mine
But my mom says God works in mysterious ways
And maybe we just weren't meant to be
But I sure as hell had a good time

****** decisions
****** pick up lines
****** thoughts

Such a beautiful mind
Such a beautiful soul

In a blink of an eye
you were gone

I wish I knew that would be the last time I'd see you in person

Maybe I could have done more
Maybe I could have said something

It's not like you're dead so why am I mourning something that didn't exist?

I didn't hit up anyone "like it was nothing"
You were in the back of my mind
The whole time

But

you had me feeling like there was no space for me in yours

Had me believing that you simply didn't
give
a
****

And now it's late at night and we're having a conversation about things that should have been said before

But I guess it's easier this way
We won't be smoking on your porch anymore

There is more to life than this hurt that you feel
And as time passes I'm sure you'll forget my name
I'll always have love for you
Although I'm not in love with you

I'm just not ready for love and to be honest
I never was.

Don't be scared to let someone in
It just maybe wasn't really meant to be

For us.