I have these episodes,
where my heart gives up every emotion,
where it succumbs to science and just pumps blood,
quietly, just to keep me alive.
No feeling,
I can't tell if am happy,
or conjure up a reason to be,
no feeling is certain excerpt pain,
it refuses to be a feeling and racks itself under nature,
fueled by my own breath.
  I have these episodes,
where I want to hide in the darkest place,
to lay with the rocks,
because not feeling to them is second to being.
I have these episodes,
where I want to dreanch myself in gasoline,
grab a match and set myself ablaze,
shut down the uncertainty and not knowing,
because it won't hurt that much if I know where its coming from.

I have these episodes,
where I realize,
numbness is another type of pain.