i'm trying to be happier.
it's really hard.
i got so used to being so sad
(for a reason, for no reason, all of the above)
i had to teach myself happiness again.
i forgot the things that brought me little joy.
i have so much love in my heart
and it hurts because i love like a little kid:
cautionless, full of emotion,
unwaveringly innocent.
and sometimes it crushes me
when people can't love like i do.
i'm depressed. i'm an artist.
everyone knows how this goes.
it doesn't matter,
because i'm going to be happier.
i light candles that smell good
and i play the piano until my fingers hurt
(because i have arthritis, probably)
and i laugh at twitter.
and i'm still sad sometimes
(for no reason, for a reason, all of the above)
it doesn't matter.
maybe nothing matters,
at least in the long run.
for now, i matter.
and i'm still going to love like a little kid
and fall and scrape my knee and cry for a minute
and keep going, keep going.
that's all there is to do.