There will come a day when the pain will stop
And it will not be the day I die
It will come from a different source
Some place holy
Some place beautiful
Some place like the corners of your smile
Where I can hide away from my fears
And feel normal

In the Blue-green hue of your eyes
And the gentle flow of your hair between my fingers
I could stay there forever
Without worry
Or sorrow

The tap of your fingers on your pencil
Quake through my mind
Sending fissures through my heart
You’ve changed the landscape of my body
Goose bumps rise like mountains from the earth
When words fall from your lips
Into my soul

The voices in my head are quite around you,
And no one else.

But you didn’t feel the same
At first,
I thought things would be different this time
I’d be able to keep you
But I should’ve known
You were too good to be true
I’d never deserve you

You were absolute perfection
I fell for you at an accelerated velocity
It shouldn’t have happened
I had put up so many walls
Around my dying, broken heart
And you found a way in
You learned my secrets
You learned me

I told you all the ways that I had been broken
And you wanted to fix them
But all you did was reopen the cracks in my soul
I was torn to bits
My razors were no longer retired
The pills began to scream again.
You’ll never see the scars
Carving your name into my skin

I don’t want to burden you with the thoughts
That you were the cause of both
My joy
And distress
My hopes
And my relapse

You’ve changed me more than you will ever know
I almost wish we had never met
But then I would have never know true beauty
Or learned of how the sunrise
Mirrors the setting of a moon.

Looking back,
I wouldn’t change a thing
You came into my life for a reason
You may have taught me some lesson
That I have yet to realize
But I will soon understand

And for that,
I thank you.
For the pain,
The relief,
The yearning,
The realizations.

You are the worst,
Most beautiful thing,
That has ever come into my life.
You are an unknowing tormenter of my heart
You broke me,
Without even realizing it

I now hide behind the mask of a forced smile
And an insincere laugh
I put on a façade of happiness
For you
So that you will never know what you did to me

I will not taint your optimism
Know that you are a helper
And not a harmer
You have stopped the blade
More than you have ran it through my veins

You are someone that creates
Not destroys
I’m sorry for making you into a monster
And pillager of my hope.
When all I wanted
Was to make myself safe
In the corners of your smile.