Willoughby is the name. And if I can't express my unique and unconventional way of writing here on Hello Poetry as a shock poet, I'll get angry and leave. And believe me, you don't want me to get angry (I've been known to get so angry I wet myself). Following is an example of my style. (WARNING: If your eyes start to burn, turn away for a few seconds. You'll be fine).
Reuters news service. This just in...
PROJECTILE ***** MAN ARRESTED
Dateline: New York City --- Charlie Jenkins, the projectile vomiter of New York is behind bars after 24 incidents of vomiting on people who had made him angry. From rude waitresses to aggressive beggars to mean hotdog venders, he didn't discriminate.
He apparently could throw up at will and spew it Like a weapon on his unsuspecting victims. When confronted he would claim that he was just sick with the flu and had no control over it and you can't get mad at someone who is sick can you?
The judge had to search the laws to call it an assault at the courtroom yesterday and then was promptly vomited on by the man with the nickname known as Up-Chuck Charlie.
Charlie was quoted as saying, " It's like a super power and there are a lot of jerks who deserve my kind of vengeance and if I punched them I'd go to jail, this way I leave them humiliated and soiled in ***** and get to walk away". Sorry Charlie, not this time.
Susan Clark from channel 2 news asked but why do such a disgusting thing, why? Charlie replied,"Why do I do it? I do it for the same reason that a dog licks his own *****...because I can.
Shocked? Then my work here is done. Keep looking for more Willoughby life rules to come! Also stay tuned to meet a guy named Creepy Ray Ray, coming soon!