last month, we had the catch up
we had been saying we would
have for a couple of weeks

you asked me how i am doing
and i said "i am fine" when i
didn't mean fine at all but
where is the word to explain
this absence in myself.

anyway,
you were washing the dishes
and i was transported to
the galley on your little boat

i remember the same sound
when you cooked me pasta
on our first date
and we watched some film
i had never seen before;
i can't remember the one
we left the dishes till
the next morning

but that galley
the small space where i would
have to side step past you to
your bedroom, or the toilet,
or sometimes just as an excuse
to slowly brush against your body
in the small in between

the first night,
after the second time we ******
fireworks exploded
i'm not talking about fireworks
in the belly but
actual fireworks

i'm not sure what colour they were
i could have looked out the window
which had a makeshift curtain made
out of your boxer shorts
but i was more interested in the
colour of your eyes
and how they made the fireworks
feel like they were right there
in that room with us

that tiny room which would not
have had room for anybody else
but that was its appeal i think
that only you and i would exist
there in my memory

only you and i that time
i broke your bed
and we laughed while you fixed it

on our third date
you asked me if i wanted to go to
Nottingham or to ikea
of course i chose ikea
we spent an entire day there
before going for pizza
and i helped you pick out
some draws for your boat

you dropped me off at the
train station after that
where we kissed and you went back
probably to install your new draws
under your bed

that was our last date
and i never got to see the new draws
under the new bed you eventually
also bought

so when we talked last month
and i asked you how your draws
were doing and you laughed
"what kind of question is that?"

i guess the draws don't remind you of me
the same way ikea
and the smell of tobacco
remind me of you

the only thing i bought from ikea was a candle
i burnt it months ago
it smelt like cinnamon and winter
you hated winter scents
thought they were cliché

i think i burnt the last of us
away with that candle
watched us slowly melt away

but i don't think there was
ever an us
really
we existed there
briefly
in that small in between
too small for the both of us
but you knew that
all along.