my favorite form of
destruction is on the kitchen floor
in bed
in the hallways
in the soft curve of my back when i listen

i'm only putting together words
that i think sound nice, this is not poetry
this is false flattery, from myself, to myself
this is a form of self harm
this is an attempt to sink my teeth into my skin
to ******* unhappiness, remind myself of it
even when it's  long gone

because how do you
accept love when it is there
and it is true
and it is the first

i have forgotten how to be not unhappy
when i am alright i dig myself a new hole
i find myself a new grave
i dress myself in robes of depression
they do not fit
but i like them, because i am the emperor
these are my new clothes