trying to disappear

don't know how.

what i want i can't have, what i want doesn't want me, what i want i don't work hard for and what i can't have, i wish for.

i want a better way to express my contempt for the opposite illusion of this world. being bad will bring bad luck, being good will bring good luck.

only fairy tales and kicks in the back it feels to me.

im tired of waiting up for messages I'll never receive from people I'll never meet.

im sick of being in pain every month and knowing its continous unless i birth another useless me.

'one day it'll get better'

it could be 60 years and it never gets better. the world is ending and nobody cares, i might not be here to see it but id be glad when i depart this world.

i hope its not dark and cold. i hope its warmth and happiness, the feelings i want to feel, i hope they exist when i depart.

i don't want to leave so soon, whenever my heart decides it can no longer carry the pain, i will go.