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May 2018
the sensation of a bus on the morning, a morning whose sun,
a flickering light, never goes out, even when unplugged.
you go to get a coffee, i don’t like coffee, so i keep our spot in line.
we boarded, i boarded. you were there and i was there
but really only i was there, in the end. i closed my eyes
and the lingering triggered cells of my retina maintained
your image for a few seconds. i opened my eyes again
and adjusted, never comfortable in the seat, *** and back
inevitably aching around the one-hour mark of a two-hour journey.
where we were going that day is unimportant now.
you brought water bottles, i drank the water bottles
and left none for you. i apologized and gave you the rest
of the breakfast sandwich. the hero’s journey
is a concept in narratology and sociology, among other fields
saying there is one central story, a template that all else fit.
carl jung had a lovely nose, and you have a lovely
pair of cheeks on your face (and elsewhere) and i
can’t help but kiss the ground you’re about to walk on (a blessing,
good luck to the earth for carrying your divinity).

i know it’s a dream.
sometimes i wish that it was more than a cloud, a cloud
that hovers over us, frilly and fluffy, seeing me
heading towards the city and wanting to see the ocean
but knowing full well i won’t. neurosis, though
says i will, and as long as i’m neurotic i’m on my way
to the sea. i write about this a lot because i think
about this a lot. the driftwood i fashioned into a knife can’t cut
packages much these days.

do you see the ocean the way i do? no one does, i think.
last time i saw the ocean i cried and my
tears intermingled with the saltwater so now i don’t know
where my sorrow ends and the sea begins. i want to show you
the ocean but i’m afraid that if i do the water will bore you.
i want to feel your hand, laying down at shore, but i’m scared
to know that you’re not feeling the sand, only my love,
and i want to feel both.
effie ebbtide
Written by
effie ebbtide  19/Transfeminine/?
       Edmund black, --- and Ilion gray
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