before i fell in love with her, love didn’t seem real
it was a facade, it was what people were supposed to do
i had never felt anything close to what was described as love
so therefore, in my head, it wasn’t real

and now i look back and remember how absolutely stunning the feeling was
how it crawled under my skin, from the very outer layer of the skin on my fingertips to the deepest crevices of my chest
it was, all consuming
tidal
the realest thing i’d ever felt

it’s been a while since that feeling ravaged my life
and it feels so far away now

the distance there creates this separation for me

it didn’t happen
i barely remember how it felt it must not have happened
i don’t miss her anymore, was any of it real?

but when i sit with myself.
when i sit with myself and wish to feel the same as i did last spring
wish to feel an innocence i did not know i had before

i find my soul has moved slightly to the left

and though her memory no longer lingers in my mind quite as often i feel as though,
I may never feel aligned again.