maybe its the tight binder on my ribs maybe its the suffocating thoughts that tell me im not good enough maybe its all the stares that i know are questioning my gender
i wish i could tell you it gets easier every time someone calls me a girl when im wearing all mens clothes, a binder, and short hair but it doesnt it gets worse
so much worse
no matter the effort i put in how hard i try to present as masculine as possible at the point where i cant even see anything feminine about myself anymore
im always seen as the thing that will always break me down
sometimes i think it would be easier to take it all back say im a girl and dress like one at least then ill be seen as how im trying to
ill hide behind a mask say im something that im not
because arent i doing that already? saying im okay and that it doesnt matter when someone calls me a girl? putting on fake smile and act like it doesnt feel like someone took my spirit and covered it with the wrong color paint