Mar 2018
The light above me flickers and scares forcing my reflection to changes and distort
Your bleeding into my thoughts
My own horror show but you perform
Shakily, I push into the wall, trying to find some kind of balance within
Your nails dig, rip and shred my skin
3 years on, we don’t talk anymore but your still present. Like a demonic possession where I may need an exorcism
………..
I know you saw me when I was 17, I was a mean beauty queen with my life torn at the seams
Still, you thought there was something about me
I was captured in your eyes your hand reached into my chest to grab my heart
There was no one else who wanted me quite like you did from the start
But I knew you could tear me apart
For an entire summer you became the feeling of loneliness that felt so similar, corruption and destruction I knew so well
For you I fell
She’s going to **** me but the night we kissed I didn’t see you resisting me
While she rested peacefully unknowingly with you on my lips
……….
Your in and out of my life, your never a consistent ghost
I don’t know why you like haunting me the most
Obsession and a dangerous lust was all we ever knew
You said if you weren’t with her you would be with me
*******
You made your choice now live with it
I gave you countless chances
How about the night you told me you loved me when I was in a relationship
Then you forget about me like a nightmare clothed in deceit
Four years of being your slave and praying your love will set me free from these chains you bound me in
But you stayed on that throne while I bled for you on the floor
A master of the lying game, a king of heartbreaks
I wanted to be your reality, your truth from all the fakes
But you wanted me to be your Sasha Grey instead
While your girlfriend sleeps in your bed
I was a ***** little secret you never wanted to tell
One of the many ****** you condemned to hell
Still, I would had done anything for you
Because your kiss rendered true
………….
I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, honestly, I couldn’t take it
The phone call when I was twenty years old confessing my love for you, I was the only one who said it
You ran away and hid, didn’t come back until you were ready
To use me yet again
My mind became your playroom, chain me, spit on me, abuse me, choke me, use me but never love me….. how could you?
When I didn’t even know my own value
I ran to you countless of times because your malevolence felt like my childhood home
The way you would play with my heart was incredibly low
You knew what you were really doing inside
Like Satan preying on the catholic girl in the church
Burning the rosary of passion into my skin to hurt, you laughed at the pain
But no, we don’t talk anymore and thank god
………..
It amazes me but you still have the power to burn inside me
My body wanting to reject your entity
Depraved, obscene, revolting, my first love when I was 17
My mouth opens wide, twisted searing hot liquid rides
Straight out of my mouth, back to the hell where you come from
I plead, like that poor catholic girl trying to escape your grasp
“Please let me go, don’t haunt me anymore”
But I can feel your hand inside, pulling my words down, I bite, I chew, I tear, I gnarl
I steady myself before I feel them rise up
I start to feel the burn I move away and turn
You stand before me in the doorway, I don’t want to hear what you have to say
“Tell me you loved me once and I will believe you”,
**** surrounds me as you inhale, you ignore everything I say, you just stand there in a daze.
I nod and realise, it’s me who never let you go, not the other way around
“I don’t want you here anymore, understand? You’re the past I no longer want, your not even a real man, you’re the ghost who just likes to haunt for fun to keep his game playing, you will not take me back down to hell with you”,
I stand, breathing heavy
I feel him slipping away from me
If it was that easy I would had done that years ago
But I guess I wasn’t ready back then to let you go
I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, sorry, but I am
Your bleeding into my thoughts
My own horror show but you perform
Shakily, I push into the wall, trying to find some kind of balance within
Your nails dig, rip and shred my skin
3 years on, we don’t talk anymore but your still present. Like a demonic possession where I may need an exorcism
………..
I know you saw me when I was 17, I was a mean beauty queen with my life torn at the seams
Still, you thought there was something about me
I was captured in your eyes your hand reached into my chest to grab my heart
There was no one else who wanted me quite like you did from the start
But I knew you could tear me apart
For an entire summer you became the feeling of loneliness that felt so similar, corruption and destruction I knew so well
For you I fell
She’s going to **** me but the night we kissed I didn’t see you resisting me
While she rested peacefully unknowingly with you on my lips
……….
Your in and out of my life, your never a consistent ghost
I don’t know why you like haunting me the most
Obsession and a dangerous lust was all we ever knew
You said if you weren’t with her you would be with me
*******
You made your choice now live with it
I gave you countless chances
How about the night you told me you loved me when I was in a relationship
Then you forget about me like a nightmare clothed in deceit
Four years of being your slave and praying your love will set me free from these chains you bound me in
But you stayed on that throne while I bled for you on the floor
A master of the lying game, a king of heartbreaks
I wanted to be your reality, your truth from all the fakes
But you wanted me to be your Sasha Grey instead
While your girlfriend sleeps in your bed
I was a ***** little secret you never wanted to tell
One of the many ****** you condemned to hell
Still, I would had done anything for you
Because your kiss rendered true
………….
I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, honestly, I couldn’t take it
The phone call when I was twenty years old confessing my love for you, I was the only one who said it
You ran away and hid, didn’t come back until you were ready
To use me yet again
My mind became your playroom, chain me, spit on me, abuse me, choke me, use me but never love me….. how could you?
When I didn’t even know my own value
I ran to you countless of times because your malevolence felt like my childhood home
The way you would play with my heart was incredibly low
You knew what you were really doing inside
Like Satan preying on the catholic girl in the church
Burning the rosary of passion into my skin to hurt, you laughed at the pain
But no, we don’t talk anymore and thank god
………..
It amazes me but you still have the power to burn inside me
My body wanting to reject your entity
Depraved, obscene, revolting, my first love when I was 17
My mouth opens wide, twisted searing hot liquid rides
Straight out of my mouth, back to the hell where you come from
I plead, like that poor catholic girl trying to escape your grasp
“Please let me go, don’t haunt me anymore”
But I can feel your hand inside, pulling my words down, I bite, I chew, I tear, I gnarl
I steady myself before I feel them rise up
I start to feel the burn I move away and turn
You stand before me in the doorway, I don’t want to hear what you have to say
“Tell me you loved me once and I will believe you”,
**** surrounds me as you inhale, you ignore everything I say, you just stand there in a daze.
I nod and realise, it’s me who never let you go, not the other way around
“I don’t want you here anymore, understand? You’re the past I no longer want, your not even a real man, you’re the ghost who just likes to haunt for fun to keep his game playing, you will not take me back down to hell with you”,
I stand, breathing heavy
I feel him slipping away from me
If it was that easy I would had done that years ago
But I guess I wasn’t ready back then to let you go
I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, sorry, but I am
