A heart so plagued and finally pacified
Some time has passed and I still can't look you in the eye
I search for hints of you in everyone I meet
but the conclusion that I'm left with is you can't be beat

Something about you can't seem to be topped
rationality screams desperately for me to stop
but for once the good seems to outweigh the bad
It's not typical for a girl like me to not be sad

and I find myself drowning in the undertow
I soothe my shakes and tremors thanks to Marlboro
I've been burned so much before that I come to expect it
my self-worth is crumpled where I left it

A hurt so hollow, rejection swallowed to my gut
Fading footprints I find and follow left right back and front
You may leave, but you always make your way back
In ways you don't even know that you have

Sleep disturbed, the darkest nightmares haunting me
I wake up gasping but you're still right here next to me
perhaps all of it is just irrational
but my track record is nothing short of laughable

So I refuse to let down my guard, stubbornly
read between the lines, and coax my heart, lovingly
I may not say it near as much as I should
but if I could open up all the way I would

A conversation had about intention
Will you be something lasting or a lesson?
I can't seem to find it in me to ask that question
for what its worth, I consider it a blessing