Let it out- all the pain you keep hiding, all the tears you keep holding inside. It's okay if the grief claws out of you. Just remember- even if it feels forever, even if it feels infinite, even if it feels too much- it will pass. You had hit lower than this before and risen like a phoenix. You can do it once more. I promise.
Please don't give up, don't let the monsters in your head win. I know some of us struggle daily with depression, grief, and life and sometimes, it makes zero sense of why we still exist but I strongly believe we exist because we are worth it, even with all of our scars, brokenness, messiness, flaws and what not, we are worth it.