I know this blue
It is old
Maybe ancient
Changing shape but still the same
I know these scars
They are heavy with memory
And cold from shame
How many life times have we done this?
How long have I been bleeding
And how energetic you always are
I am empty hands
I am all screams silent and aching
I the fool, all aglow with love
Happily being walked across
Accepting pain that  I am always,
Always too young to process
and forever too old to cry about
I am a pleasure best invisible
And it’s best I keep my joy to me
Less your hug becomes the squeezing
Becomes the cutting off of oxygen
Becomes the death nearly as cold as the spaces you have for me
Why don’t you stay away
So I can remember who I am