I drowned myself in this water,
I called it some place home after too long.

I let it soak into me,
I let it surround myself with nothing else.

For so long I clung onto hope,
But now I knew it would never get better than here.

It was a moment of settling,
Something I knew I had to adapt for a lifetime.

I was from where they said words and actions mattered a lot,
But somewhere over here, anything would mean nothing.

For so long, I had told myself,
For as long as I can imagine,
I want you know it was since forever,
I recall,
I told myself everyday,
every
single
day
I had hope, and with this breath I could change.

But below the water, it was just bubbles,
And after a while when I stopped struggling,
I realised the satisfaction of not constantly reminding myself -it gets better

I had almost filled my lungs with water,
When I came to this realisation,
But the thought of no reminders,
No push through’s or
hope
or
a show for everyone else;
To let the world know I would be fine
I was
doing okay right now
I really was only doing okay-
right now.

See,
I don’t have a problem with you,
I fear you’d not be able to keep up with my problems,
Cause it’s not everyday some new tragedy,
It’s just a new understanding of my troubles.

Everyday deeper,
But
What wore be out the most,
Is to having to keep up for everyone around me,
So they could understand me more.

Right before
     This

I’m living death.