i remember being afraid
and i remember being threatened in a way only i would be afraid
and i remember asking everyday as though it was a secret i had willingly aided in creating
and i remember anger
and confusion at the end
and it blurs all over but so does every other memory
and the thing is i just do not know.
and i feel ashamed and i feel weak
i feel inadequate and dumb
a misrepresentation of all that i stand for
i feel afraid
but i feel i must say something
when my mother asks again
and after 19 years i finally say yes
i finally confirm her questions
because it was no longer just i
but my sister as well
and that simply, will not do.
and that is what opened my mouth
and that may be what fuels my fist into his face