in the moment
i felt empty
numb
it was late
i should’ve gone to bed
but i didn’t
i had been thinking about it for a while
it was always tickling the back of my mind
not letting me forget
reminding me
the moment of feeling something
of feeling relief for a second
and i did it
i looked at the scissors
and gilded them across my wrist
then there was shame
and regret
and anger
that i went almost two months and threw it all away
i didn’t sleep that night
i tossed and turned
then pretended everything was fine