Mascara crusting, drying between tears
Core shaking with every wail
Head pounding, craving a breath of clear air
Right hand shaking uncontrollably needing control
Cheeks turning red, hot, and angry wanting revenge  

eyes closed silently
Memories blast past

His hand, my dark washed jeans, the only barrier between my skin and his
Muscles tense up
Pointer. Middle. Ring. Pinky, on the seam where one end meets another, thumb inside
Frozen in speed staring blankly across the room
Up three inches down one, repeat five times
Higher, higher, higher  
Hand grabs at my zipper
Instincts, do something
Run away

open eyes, back in my room
Still shaking, mascara still crusting, core still breaking, head still pounding.

the world doesn’t stop moving
not for me
not for him
not for anyone

Wipe away my tears
Get up off the bed
Walk over to the bathroom
Stare in the mirror

I don’t like what I’m looking at

Weak
Broken
Worthless
Nothingness

Lean against wall
Slowly slide down towards cool gray tile
Icy cold hits my upper thighs

Close my eyes

Lean over the ground
Hair strands surround my face
Heat rushes over my body

Sleep arrives
Sleep takes over
I let it take control
I give in