I'm mesmerized by the way the blade cuts into my flesh, how blood immediately begins to pour out, and how for a split second, the world is completely quiet.

I'm mesmerized by the pattern the blood takes as it goes from my skin into the water, I find peace when the water becomes a reddish tint, because that means it's exiting my body. The flow of blood in the water looks like ribbon floating in a river, swiftly and peacefully.

I'm mesmerized by the sound of the blade cutting my leg. It's like a faint tearing sound, and again, for a split second, the world is completely quiet. I made the world quiet. I made the water red. I made these scars. I'm mesmerized by the way that for a moment in time, I am in control.