Rise and shine, first thing in the morning walking past the mirror.
Avoiding its reflection, not wanting to see its reflective picture.
Kneeling in the shower, hands pressed tightly to her ribs.
Who is this frightened child? Does she even exist?
She took a step back from the world, no one knew she was alive.
Now she’s grasping at her life, just trying to survive.
A tainted childhood in shame now fragile bones from self abuse,
don’t blame her though, she was only a child confused.
How did this happen? When did this begin?
She seemed so happy, or was that all pretend?
She had started at 130, or so,
but felt as if she had lost control.
What happened to this dear sweet innocent child?
Her idea of beauty and perfection had driven her wild.
Minus 25 later she was so close.
Almost 100 without any clothes.
No one would touch her, they thought she would break.
She told herself she was content with that trade.
I was 18.
~
I’m much better now in my adult discipline
eating healthy 3 meals a day purely for consumption.
Yesterday, I skipped dinner in lieu of drinking wine.
Today at noon, hovering over my breakfast, I resign
Some days I struggle. Some days I am not fine.
But ...
I will eat my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
And paint my pretty pictures.