If I loved him

If I loved him I would not cry the night away,
I would not hopelessly float in my tears.
If I loved him there would be a smile on my face,
I would not have to worry about being enough,

But that is only if I loved him.

For I know I cannot do so,
My struggles are that of his
For I know that he depends on me
My struggles are too overwhelming for him

Yet I still cannot love him

If I loved him I would bring him down
He deserves more than I can provide
If I loved him we would return to the darkness together
He deserves more than a relationship based off of a confused lie

I want to love him

I chose to love someone else
I told myself I would be better off
I chose to love the second who gave me what I thought I wanted
I told myself that I need someone who doesn’t care for my heart

Now I wish I loved him