My family and me are complicated, to say the least.
I spent childhood idolizing them.
Teenagedom questioning them.
College disconnecting from them.
And now I'm an adult and all I feel is that I miss them.

It took me awhile to realize that, but its far more complicated than just missing their presence. I miss the connections we had. I miss who we were together before the great big Jabberwocky of Wonderland waltzed into our lives. I miss the people they were when they were happier. I miss the person I was when I was happy with them.

I miss much more than this moment. I miss everything I've lost because of what's happened over the last few years.

I've spent a lot of time hoping to never be like them. Yet now I just want a way back to them. A healthy way.

It'll be hard. It might even hurt a little. But to be able to think I might have the parts of them that used to make me so happy?

I have to at least try.