somewhere in there sounds like a kid searching for another permuta- tion of himself, some semblance of a would-be he won’t hate. that’s me, I’ll never run out of pain. this genteel ache, this conclusion, has nothing to do with choice. there are some who’re born broken, those unobtrusives with chapped lips, glancing up for drones that might pick them up then throw them to another Earth, those who like getting into strangers’ cars, laying their head on the dashboard that’s softer than their bed. they on cold nights like to whisper to God: ‘we don’t like this experiment.’ we are more than warning signs of civilization in peril. dead and gone. don’t refuse exploitation; that’s how we still feel useful. don’t the characters in some books make rooves out of leaves? too dogged to prioritize shelter, though. too drugged to maintain another thing doomed to crack and crumble. just never enough time. days flow by like silk into a sawmill. In the dark we try to see if we still stand on strong ground, or surface tension.
such is the rhythm. feet damp with cakemud. in darkness we see stoplights turn red, sometimes yellow.