Is it okay that I still love you? Even knowing what you did? I knew nothing at the time Hell, I was just a kid
I sometimes got the feeling That maybe you were mean But I'd push it from my mind Like some forgotten dream
You used to tell me stories Before I'd go to sleep You shared with me imagination But kept your secrets hidden deep
As I grew into a woman You gave me great advice You taught me to be honest For to lie you pay a price
You told me I was beautiful And you loved to hear me sing I never felt you judge me I could tell you any thing
By then my sister and brother Had left to escape your fury You made us think they alone were guilty A swift exile by judge and jury
I believed they were to blame Yes, I believed your lies Even though Dad's heart was broken Even when I heard his cries
As the years progressed You shared a little of your tale About your ******* of a father And how he put you all through hell
Your last years were full of pain You suffered much before your death You begged them for forgiveness Then you took your final breath
But the damage was too great And we would not recover We remained estranged From our sister and our brother
Since your death I've learned the truth What you did, and what was done to you My hearts breaks for the abuse you gave And the hell that you went through
Now my heart is so confused I don't know how to feel Is it okay to love you? Is the woman I knew even real?
I can't explain it any better And I don't know what to do I wish some one would just tell me Is it okay to love you?
A poem I wrote about my mother many years after her death, when I learned the truth about what she had kept hidden from her children. So much more than could fit in any poem. I remain confused about a lot of things, but I love her. I am me, in part at least, because of her. What ever wrongs she committed, she is my mom and I'll always love her.