—not like this.

There is anger hiding in my throat. These days it’s hard to identify. I can’t tell why I’m mad and who I’m mad at.

2:33AM on the clock(s) and I wish my eyes could close for hours,
days even. But I’m still sad, I’m still angry. There are some things
unresolved.

I don’t know what they are, though. I don’t know if the voices can
hear me inside these headphones, I don’t know if they’ll listen to reason.

2:35AM hits those clock(s) and suddenly I understand everything.
I’m not myself anymore. I’m not who I wanted to become,
I’ve changed into something worse.

I’m ashamed of my flaws, my mouth which rambles and startles
along those tracks under the train of thought. I don’t understand.

What keeps you up at night?
What makes you hate yourself?
What makes you want to die?

Why can’t I answer these questions?