How you you know when you’re in too deep?
Is it when you get home and try to sleep,
and the dreams stop tumbling through your mind,
and on the other side,
all of it is dark?
Is it when people try to touch you,
to wake you, because you haven’t moved a muscle in hours,
but your skin just lights on fire where they press their fingertips.
If it is true, and this is what it's like,
than an eternity under the ground is how this must be.
I never had a dreamless sleep,
and now I’m not sure what to be afraid of.
The fact that I wanted to stay there,
In that dark,
With that evil that consumes my mind.
Where the only pain I felt was liberating,
And I could float on. Forever.
Or when I snapped back into the realm of the worldly,
My memories flooded back to me.
Vivid.
Everything perfect, with a cherry on top.
All the people, all the love.
That the sleep I was drowning myself in was temporary
but I wanted it for eternity.
That I chose dark over light.
That’s what death feels like.