I'm pretty sure I know their ***** little secrets
With Big Brother watching over me
And what I know you know that I can't keep it
Remember this in case tomorrow I'm history

U.F.O.' s are flying past my building
I see them wink, little men of green
It's time to foil up all my outside windows
Keep the gamma rays from infiltrating

And of the mailman I'm more than a bit leary
Letters and bills are not all that's in the post
A very good reason for most of today's junk mail
Is in the hiding of tiny microphones

When I head out to the grocery, people are awful friendly
Asking how I am, checking up on me
Pretty sure every one of them is a Russian agent
With that English accent down to a tee

When l'm alone at home doing daily dishes
I often hear strange voices gurgling from the sink
I'm always very quick to close the refrigerator
The other day I caught the honey ham glazing back at me

And all of this because I'm privy to their secrets
How do I know, my source's tell me so
If I told a few to you, you never would believe me
But then again there's just some things the common man should never know