the loneliness of my soul,
the pit in my heart,
the dark matter in my chest;
it's dug itself in my body
and made a home for itself,
deeply and comfortably.
i fear it will never leave,
no matter the attempts to make it go.
no matter the space,
regardless of time.
despite the bodies that fill it,
or my endless trials to push it away.
i fear
i've welcomed it like an old friend
rather than faced its personal immensity.
maybe i'm a culprit in my loneliness.
maybe i've held on as much as i've wanted to let go.
and that's what i fear most.