the phone rings. its you.
before i can even initiate a greeting you are talking
in a voice so melodic it made the music envious.
we talk about mundane things like how we spend our days,
your parents, my parents.
we talk about love,
how i am inside of it, wrapped in the sweet feeling of a blue eyed boy
and how you are happy for me,
how you cant envision me with anyone better than your best friend.
how you are hiding it, trying to understand why your parents keep you inside a closet like old clothes they dont want to try on because they are afraid of how it might fit.
this happens every day.
i keep my phone close to me,
i like knowing that 3,000 miles can be crossed by the sound of a ringtone.
we talk about me, mostly.
its hard for me these days and you've been there, you know what its like.
i wish you had told me that you never left there.

it is june.
my phone rings and its you.
the sweet melody of your voice has slowed into a soft hum.
i am concerned,
but i didnt know.
you say things like
"i know youre going to do great things"
and
"goodbye."
but i didnt know.


that night i dreamt i was meeting you for the first time.
your head was in the clouds and i begged for you to come down yet slowly you bent and said
"i am with you."
that night you went into the closet that your parents locked you in to hide who you were away.
you were a jacket they didnt want to try on.
so you became the medicine cabinet.
and i hope that made you feel better.
i imagine its hard to feel incomplete with so many pills filling you completely.

the next day.
my phone rings and its
not
you.
i can feel the blood rushing to my head
my stomach falling to the floor,
how your knees give out and your throat gives in
i didnt cry.
not right away.
i waited until the phone call was over.
i hope you understand.

the blue eyed boy read your letter to me over the phone a few days later.
i didnt know.

my little bird, you became the clouds you once wanted to see from the inside.
i see you in all of the beautiful things this world has to offer.
you dont feel so far away these days.
you are everything.
the stars write your name out.
i hear the birds in the morning sing a song so melodic it makes the music envious.
i feel you in the sunshine and i dont forget you in the rain.
last night i laid sleeping and in the darkness of my consciousness the phone rang.
it was you.
please visit me often angel.
it was nice to hear your voice.