There's a picture of me when I was younger on the nightstand
My pudgy little toddler cheeks beaming toward the camera
I'm holding sand in my hands, have been for all of these years
I don't see it slipping through my fingers

I think it's raining outside
It splashes on my window with soft thuds
Like the sound of faerie feet dancing across your face before you go to sleep

If I fell asleep now, I know I wouldn't dream
My eyes flutter, but there's too much to do and never enough Time-
It's always been slipping through my fingers, all of these years
I just wanted to be a good person, you know?

If I actually did my english homework tonight,
Would it warn me that good and perfect were never synonyms?
I don't though
I text you instead

"... and I'm really scared of becoming anorexic," I type
"I don't want to be like that"
"Oh sweetie," you hesitate
"If you're starving yourself then you already are. And that's okay"

My mind runs blank with those words
****

I'm anorexic.

I stare down the photograph of my toddler self, her and her empty, innocent eyes
I'm anorexic.
I bet she never saw this coming

Don't let me be like time or sand
*Please, don't let me slip away