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i still sit on my porch and think about every word you've said to me
and all the things i didn't say, or have the guts to say
but i can say i drowned in your smile
and suffocated on your laugh,
i think i lost myself trying to find you.
i can say thank you for showing me how love feels
& showing me how loss feels too
thanks for making me strong for when things fall apart
i can say i still miss you when we're in the same town.
your little brother told me something i'll never forget,
"i'm sorry my brother couldn't love you the way you wanted him or needed him to"
i can admit that that hurt, way more than our distance did.
i can admit i tried to cough up the dandelions you planted in my lungs,
pretty from afar, just like you,
but you're both like weeds; not healthy for beautiful things trying to grow.
i can admit you will always make me feel like love is in my veins instead of blood.
i can admit i wanted you to be the truest love i'll ever have,
maybe it was.
i asked my grandfather how long it would take to not feel this way,
and he responded with "maybe forever, but it will get better. there's so much more to live for."
i can admit when you started showing your true colors, i got scared and wanted to repaint them.
i wish we stayed on the level i loved,
but you can't just spend the rest of your life with someone based on the three layers you know, when there's 97 left to see.
i can say thank you for the memories, but now you're just a memory.
i can admit that's why it wasn't meant to be.