i've been staggering lately
decided that i'm not even fooling anyone
kidding myself maybe, though

it's eat, guilt, repeat
eat, guilt, repeat
100, 200, never exceed the 3

i'm smart.
so why do i leave my jacket at home
so i can burn off that extra 21?
"why do you have that memorized?"

blood shot eyes,
therapy,
emergency rooms,
believe it or not,
telling me i have OCD
gives me no ******* clarity

and then what if it's worse?
times change people change
but my yearning for another life
remains the same.

i know its not a joke
but i tried to code my suicide note yesterday
mom says where's the smart girl i used to know?
we tragically had to let her go

111.2 is getting harder and harder to get used to.