I was always told
As if it were praise,
About how strong I am (emotionally).
About how determined I am,
About how much of a fighter I am.

My mother says: "We're all so proud of you, and anyone who isn't is delusional."

But I don't feel so strong anymore.
I don't feel very brave.
I don't feel like a fighter.

All this bravado I put forth for my mother,
And my siblings when they actually speak to me,
Just isn't enough.
I can't do it in front of you,
Because that front I have
Is such *******.

I'm vulnerable and scared,
And my confidence only comes out
In deflective smart remarks,
That have a tendency of offending
Most people,
And I'm sure sometimes even you.

I just want to be better.
I just want to be stronger.
But I'm nowhere near better,
And I don't feel very strong.

I only break when I know I'm allowed to.

I have to be stronger than this.
I'm too smart for my own good,
And I have a golden heart
With a rebel yell.

I am better than this.

I am stronger than this.

I'll be okay.