i have spent years perfecting the art of denial.
i was a master for so long, i wouldn’t let a fraction
of truth leave my soul.


i would go through hell just to find every way
possible to pin the problem on someone, or
something else besides you.
and so often that someone was me.


through my pain, i found the strength to protect you
before i could ever find the courage to protect myself
perhaps that’s because you have taught my heart
to fear so greatly and i have just now begun
to learn that fear is the instigator of my denial.


i fear hurting you for fear that you’ll retaliate and
hurt me more than you already have and my mind
can’t fathom anything that could bring more pain
than what you have already done.


for a while now I have felt the truth building up and
pushing against the walls that i have so carefully built
around my fragile heart and i have been trying
to use the little strength i do have left to fight my way
back to denial once again.


i am learning that the walls i have built are
not strong enough to hold all of this pain that denial
has brought along with it.


you taught me that fear was the most powerful
force of them all and i believed you for so long.
yet i am learning much too quickly that the
truth will eventually overpower fear and find it’s way
to the light no matter how hard i try to keep it buried
within me.


the walls i have built are collapsing so fast and i am
just trying to find a way to not collapse with them.