I'm freezing cold
And nauseous
And I'm dizzy in a not-so-dizzy
Way
And I just want to be better
But I can't
I can't
I can't.

I always fail,
And within my dreams
My greatest fears come true.

But I'm still trying
To be better
If not for me
Then for you.

And you could stand
To read up on mental illness
And mental health,
And I could stand
To not be such a *****.

The room is spinning
And my throat hurts
And I'm cold
Despite the warmth of my clothes.

I wish I could explain better
How PTSD and Manic Depression
And Generalized Anxiety Disorder work,
But I can't.
I just can't.

I'll still laugh and still smile,
But depression still eats away at me,
And doubt and self destructive behaviors
Push you away
And I'm trapped inside my head
Watching something else,
The anxiety,
Take over.

And I'm screaming and crying and slamming on the bars of my prison,
But no one can hear me,
So instead the anxiety makes me push you away,
And all logic and self-preserving behaviors are thrown out the window.
I just wish I could show you
I don't mean to do what I do
It isn't my intention to hurt you,
It's my intention to hurt me,
And I don't even want to do that.