Dec 2016
Youve made it clear that you want me to unlock the doors and climb inside your heart but I stumble on the key rings and my soul is made of tar. I don't want to let myself because I know I'll tear you apart.
It's not that I'm incapable of loving but i do believe Im incapable to tear down these walls to let the light in. Loving always came so easy as long as I could see out but I boarded up my windows with every inch of doubt I had labeled on this handful of nails.
My hands are tired and my heart is weak. I've been at this for a long time and I can't seem to get any sleep.
Not because I can't but because I don't want to.
Being awake reminds me of what I was and what I lost and if I close my eyes I'm afraid that piece of me will disappear into the horizon and never find its way back home.
Not that it could anyway.
This castle I built around myself didn't include a door in the original blueprint. So it now seems to me that I'll be spending my nights alone in this circular prison trying to find a corner to rest my head. But instead I'll pile up some bricks to make myself a bed in which I'll never sleep.
You sit outside the stone and yell my name at the top of your lungs and wish that there was a ladder with more than a few rungs to make it to the top so you could see in. but this is a battle that none of us could win. And I wish that you could pull me out of this hole. Unfortunately I built it too high and none of us can climb. It wasn't my intention, you see, but I get carried away and a storm brewed up inside me and the only way to keep my self from drowning was to pile onto this fortress.
Grey clouds roll into the sky and there's no time left for you and I. So I pile back on brick after brick to build me a roof so that I don't get wet and this fire beside me is barely lit with the embers somberly glowing with the spark inside of me that's left. I can no longer see out but the rain can't get to me. It's so dark and lonely here I can no longer hear a thing, but your voice cracks and echoes through the walls.
Your knuckles are bleeding from knocking all day but I can't bandage your hands how you'd want me to. Even if I could it wouldn't feel the same way.
It's not that I'm incapable of loving but i do believe Im incapable to tear down these walls to let the light in. Loving always came so easy as long as I could see out but I boarded up my windows with every inch of doubt I had labeled on this handful of nails.
My hands are tired and my heart is weak. I've been at this for a long time and I can't seem to get any sleep.
Not because I can't but because I don't want to.
Being awake reminds me of what I was and what I lost and if I close my eyes I'm afraid that piece of me will disappear into the horizon and never find its way back home.
Not that it could anyway.
This castle I built around myself didn't include a door in the original blueprint. So it now seems to me that I'll be spending my nights alone in this circular prison trying to find a corner to rest my head. But instead I'll pile up some bricks to make myself a bed in which I'll never sleep.
You sit outside the stone and yell my name at the top of your lungs and wish that there was a ladder with more than a few rungs to make it to the top so you could see in. but this is a battle that none of us could win. And I wish that you could pull me out of this hole. Unfortunately I built it too high and none of us can climb. It wasn't my intention, you see, but I get carried away and a storm brewed up inside me and the only way to keep my self from drowning was to pile onto this fortress.
Grey clouds roll into the sky and there's no time left for you and I. So I pile back on brick after brick to build me a roof so that I don't get wet and this fire beside me is barely lit with the embers somberly glowing with the spark inside of me that's left. I can no longer see out but the rain can't get to me. It's so dark and lonely here I can no longer hear a thing, but your voice cracks and echoes through the walls.
Your knuckles are bleeding from knocking all day but I can't bandage your hands how you'd want me to. Even if I could it wouldn't feel the same way.
