It's hard to shake off the self hatred and loathing that comes
post-panic attack,
and it's hard to work with what remains
of your brain
when you're trying to fight off the flashback.

and it's hard to keep yourself
from thinking about it too much,
and it's hard to get yourself
to socialize.

but on a lazy Friday afternoon,
you're playing video games,
and I'm menstruating and craving
affection
skin to skin contact
mental stimulation
and various candies.

and I'd be a little more content
if my stomach wasn't growling in furious rage
at that.

but your focused eyes
and my appreciation for your
everything
is giving me a kind of hope
that I can be the kind of better
that you want.