you know it's getting bad when
you're starting to act like a teleprompter for your friends

trying to coax them to the conclusion
but too afraid, too empty, too smothered, too something to just come out and say
"i'm probably not okay"

and see, i can't even type it here without first qualifying it as only probably

there's a map to my chaos
my words are your guide
you can find hints of my despair
on the Radiator or
in the taste of Codeine
despair as bitter cold and dark as it gets

i've desperately got my hands to my throat
i'm giving you the choking sign
i'm so far gone down the rabbit hole that you can only hear the echoes of my sighs

but this is my last flare
so i will hover over the light of its hope until you either see me or it dies