I have never felt this much before.
I am enclosed in a blackened bubble,
unable to see the outside world.

I am secluded away in the darkness,
not exactly knowing where to go.
I'm just rolling, hoping I'll end somewhere good.

I must continue to repeat to myself,
do not engage... do not engage
It is much harder than expected.

To engage is to put myself back,
back to who I always believed myself to be,
back to when I changed myself to be someone I wasn't.

To ask, to tell, to hold.
I bite my lip to stop myself,
I must not say anything.

I listen, I observe, I wait.
I engaged,
there is no return.

*I am a failure