I’m here again,
in all the intersections she kissed me in -
there hands on the steering wheel, one of them is not mine and she is holding me so tightly -
I don’t know how I got here but I don’t want to leave
I’m on the freeway, seventy-five miles an hour, her fingers between mine - breaking my bones in the sweetest way possible
seventy five miles
we were a part of each other for seventy-five days,
she kisses me hard, my eyes closed
and we surpass eighty
breaking ninety,
my heart is breaking ninety miles an hour
why didn't she love me the way she kissed me,
why couldn't she love me as much as I did, her
why didn't she stay for the way my heart was breaking
I loved her endlessly, I loved her hard
I’m here again,
in her bed -
our words are floating above our heads -
our heads,
who is she here with?
this isn't me she’s kissing,
I pray to the god of out of body experiences but he doesn't pinch me back into a reality
where I am in bed with her again,
this is being chained against the wall as she kisses another man,
this is watching through invisible walls as the one you love, loves another - pretending like you don't exist
do I exist?
please tell me I’m not living if I am not part of this world, part of her world
part of toothpaste kisses before tripping down the stairs to seven a.m city noise, and feeling her fingers touching me, breaking my world into pieces - she broke my world to shards
this is not piecing yourself back together, this is bottle through a stained glass window broken - I cannot pick up these pieces to save my life why won’t she come back
I am here again,
I do not want to be here -
please tell me this is in my head,
please tell me I am not living