i feel as if happiness should come easier than this
so light, and welcoming
not so tiring, and trying
like having to train myself to accept the good thoughts
it shouldn't be this hard
i shouldn't have to swallow pills
to make all of the violence in my head stop
happiness is a choice they say, well -
it has never felt like one to me
it's a chore, a task, one i am uncertain i will ever complete
it is so fleeting