wish i could feel something
wish i could see
what other's are seeing
wish i could listen
to the thing in my chest
wish i could taste
the food i wanted a few minutes ago
wish i could smell
the burning in my head

its a warning
of something worse
why don’t i care?

it feels like a lie
“i don’t care”
it feels like i’ve uttered
the unutterable
i've thought
the unthinkable
done the unforgivable

i don’t know when i killed myself
it must have happened long ago
when i wasn’t even paying attention

too busy laughing at things that aren’t funny
forcing myself to cry
when i'm alone because thats what everyone
who fakes a smile does.

and im not even sad
because the dead don’t feel pain

God this world is beautiful
those clouds weren’t made
for evil things like me

i don’t deserve the beauty i can’t appreciate
but i don’t want anything else

and i feel trapped here
because i don’t want to die
just to switch prisons

you’re crying hard
and i don’t feel a thing

you’re beautiful
and i’m not even jealous

and you’re laughing
and i just give up and stare at you
and you ask what’s wrong
“nothing” i say

and i’m not lying.