i wish i was better
at being angry.

like taking a baseball bat
to her car kind of angry...
feeling the weight of the swing and
watching the glass shatter.

like standing outside
his place and
shrieking
obscenities,
whipping stones
at the windows
kind of angry.

it's hard for me
to even feel anger.
i default to
confusion,
sadness,
disappointment.

what i wouldn't give
to just be
furious
and unleash it
on the world
in a hellish firestorm
for the first time in my life.

but i don't know how.
i only know how to be
cryptic and weird.
ramble on and then
sulk in silence.
scribble and type
and look around
in suspicion.

i wish people
shrunk in terror
from me,
but if wishes were horses,
beggars would ride.