It's three in the morning
I have to ***
I go ***
I go back to bed
I am wide awake now
I'll play my Inside Out game on my phone
I used up all of my lives
I have to wait for them to reload

It's four in the morning
I am still wide awake
I'll read random status updates on facebook
I come across a woman I met once or twice back in high school
she's married and has two boys under the age of three
WOW!
She's two years younger than me
and she already has so much to show for it
What about me?
I am twenty-three and I don't even own a car
how embarrassing
I need to distract myself
Another profile of someone my age who is far in life
she is really pretty too
How come at twenty-three I look so old but this woman looks sixteen?
She is thin too
How come the only time I come close to being thin
is when I have an eating disorder
GOD LOOK AT HER TEETH!
How come she was blessed with straight teeth and I wasn't?
Why was I made to be an ugly duckling?
I feel depressed now

It is five in the morning
I'll go back to sleep
I lie down
I close my eyes
I cuddle close to my boyfriend hoping the touch of him
will make me feel better
He went to dinner last night with his family
he said he was broke and couldn't pay for dinner
but they told him it was no problem
His sister made a comment about my facebook posting
she knows what her brother is up to
because I post about every part of our day
What we do, what we watch, what we eat
WAIT!
How can he afford to buy me wine
but not be able to pay for dinner with his family?
They're probably thinking he's lying
Now they're going to be mad at him and its all my fault
Why do I post so much on facebook?
The world doesn't care about what I eat for breakfast
The world doesn't care about my "deep thoughts"

It's five-thirty in the morning
I posted a throwback picture of my 22nd birthday yesterday
That was a good day
Balloons, pizza, cake
One of my gifts was a laptop
The soul purpose of that gift was so I can skype with an ex
who was away at college
He never called that day to wish me a happy birthday
he claimed he forgot about it
How do you forget the birthday of the one you claim to love?
Am I that easy to forget?
I remembered everything about him
I knew the name of every medication
he took on a daily basis for his bipolar disorder
but he couldn't remember my birthday?
This is the same person who ditched me at prom
for a party two months prior
I was silly for thinking he could be considerate for one day
WAIT!
This was three years ago
WHY DOPES THIS EVEN MATTER???!!!!
My head hurts
I am tired
I am depressed
I can't stop thinking

It is six in the morning
I need to get up now