Don't worry about it,
It doesn't matter.

How do I fit?
Where I go from here?

I struggle with this
Belonging
In the same way
I struggle with feeling
Wanted,
And if I'm not even a person,
Then I'm guess I'm just a problem.

And problems require solutions
Or to be eradicated from the equation
Upon not finding a solution.

And after years,
Up until May 18th, 2016
When I figured out that I'm not that bad,
I had been contemplating
Eradication.

But on May 18th,
I realized it wasn't quite
Eradication that I needed,
Rather a solution.

And in your arms,
On July 4th,
I realized that neither
Eradication
Nor a solution would help me,
For I am a solution,
Not a problem.

I am not used to walking
On steady ground,
But I could get used
To walking beside
You.

Forgive me
For my slip ups,
For my faltering,
I am painfully aware
That being mentally ill is a struggle,
But I will persevere,
If not for myself,
Then for you and here and now.

Some days I fight the fight
For myself,
And others I can only bring myself to get out of bed
For you and what pride you could fathom having in me.

Other days I cannot wait
To leap from the blankets
And start my day.

But each and every day,
I get up.

Whether it be out of excitement,
Or a desire to be better.

Forget it.
I have a lot to say,
But not a lot of it can be said
For sure.