Jul 2016
Today was a long day, like all the rest. I woke up in a place that doesn't feel like home, and I'll fall asleep in a place much the same. As always, I've had a few thoughts on my mind I couldn't find a way to abandon or leave behind. Some new, and sure to be gone by tommorrow, others that have haunted me for quite some time
Thoughts such as these; I have potential, but lack ambition,Why? What really matters to me? What would have to change for me to want to be the best I can be? It can't be my own suffering. I've long suffered in myriad ways, personal, societal, spiritual, physical. I hate it, but I don't even know where to begin to change it. The thought won't leave me
I think about the money I owe, and the money I make, and the world I live in. My car is dependable now, after nearly two years, and three I have bought. A few minor repairs from when I got it, but it runs well, which is a pleasant change. And a load off my mind, but I still owe money on a car that has repairs that cost more than I owe on it. I suppose I will sell it for scrap, get all the money I can out of it. That one car I wrecked on a suicidal impulse got me a grand, I could use another grand even if it cost me four thousand over the next three years. Cars.....**** cars
**** that I need them to survive.
I think about my father, he is 65 and it has been a year since I have seen him, I miss him dearly, and I don't know how much more opportunity I will have to spend time with him. I know I need to be with him as much as possible. But I never am
I think about a girl, three girls actually, but one more than the other two. I'm sure if she read this she would know who she is. All three are smart, and beautiful, one is funny, one is altruistic, one is the one that I think about the most, for almost no reason. I think about a girl. She is beautiful even if she doesn't know it. I love her even if I didn't show it. And I would trade away my pride for her happiness. I would gladly die that she could live forever. Sadly, it seems she will be gone before I or any man has a chance to save her
I think about the world, and how its ending. And how I want to change it, and how I can't change myself
Thoughts such as these; I have potential, but lack ambition,Why? What really matters to me? What would have to change for me to want to be the best I can be? It can't be my own suffering. I've long suffered in myriad ways, personal, societal, spiritual, physical. I hate it, but I don't even know where to begin to change it. The thought won't leave me
I think about the money I owe, and the money I make, and the world I live in. My car is dependable now, after nearly two years, and three I have bought. A few minor repairs from when I got it, but it runs well, which is a pleasant change. And a load off my mind, but I still owe money on a car that has repairs that cost more than I owe on it. I suppose I will sell it for scrap, get all the money I can out of it. That one car I wrecked on a suicidal impulse got me a grand, I could use another grand even if it cost me four thousand over the next three years. Cars.....**** cars
**** that I need them to survive.
I think about my father, he is 65 and it has been a year since I have seen him, I miss him dearly, and I don't know how much more opportunity I will have to spend time with him. I know I need to be with him as much as possible. But I never am
I think about a girl, three girls actually, but one more than the other two. I'm sure if she read this she would know who she is. All three are smart, and beautiful, one is funny, one is altruistic, one is the one that I think about the most, for almost no reason. I think about a girl. She is beautiful even if she doesn't know it. I love her even if I didn't show it. And I would trade away my pride for her happiness. I would gladly die that she could live forever. Sadly, it seems she will be gone before I or any man has a chance to save her
I think about the world, and how its ending. And how I want to change it, and how I can't change myself
